Wearing Whatever Hats You Want
When I was younger, I always dreamed of being a stay-at home mom. I grew up in a home where my mother was a home maker (i.e. taxi driver, sleep over coordinator, master chef, Judge/Jury, teacher of all things, President of all committees, maid, protector.. – she wore ALL the hats). She was available to my sisters and I, at all times. Forgot our gym clothes at home? Call Mom. Didn’t get that permission form signed? Don’t worry, Mom can come up to school and sign it. Need a ride to the football game? Mom’s got it. It was wonderful and special and I knew I wanted to raise my children in the same fashion. It felt so safe. It was a dream that I held near and dear to my heart for a long time. It was something I thought about from time to time and it made me smile, thinking that I was going to one day raise children in a similar home life to my own… Oh the dreams of innocence.
Then, I went to college. I worked so hard for my degree and the fire of drive and determination to be a career woman was ignited in my soul. I felt empowered to have my own career and fortunate to have the possibility to further my education. It felt powerful and once I began working as a nurse in the Intensive Care Unit, making my own money, married to the man of my dreams, I began enjoying my life as a young professional. We have freedom to do and spend as we wish. We can travel where ever and when ever we want. Our dogs (slightly like children, but not entirely) are easy to cart off to whichever parents are willing to watch them for the weekend. And although work is important to me, it is not the most important and I began questioning my future as a potential parent and career woman. What do I really want? What kind of life do I want to contribute to my family? I guess is is the part of growing up they tell you about where you start to really figure out “who you are”.
Our generation is pretty split. We are told that as a woman: if you want kids, you must not really value your career. If you want a career, you must not really want kids and you probably won’t be a very present parent if you plan to have them. Naturally, I’ve struggled with this. I’ve read the BuzzFeed articles that tell me why its “ok to not want kids” and “how to be a good parent in 2017” and I began to realize that I want both. I value both. My career and the prospect of a family that is. Now I know I am not alone in this, but our internet driven world is so filled with words that tell us why we should live one way or another. With articles validating or crushing the values we thought we held strong in. Its hard not to get swallowed into someone else’s thoughts about decisions we should be making with our own minds. Yes, of course it is nice to read that someone else feels the same way we do, or to read something that makes us think, “holy shit, I completely disagree with that.” But its a luxury (and a curse) that our parents didn’t have 20 years ago, and it’s made me realize how important it is to step away from the noise and focus on what means the most to us. Because it will be different for each and every person. We can’t file away our convictions next to BuzzFeed articles and call them our own. We must decide what hats want, and how we plan to get them. And promise to be kind to ourselves on the way there.
– JT