Surviving: The Newborn Stage
Any one who’s ever been pregnant (or been the partner of someone whose been pregnant) knows just how many people love to tell you how much, “your life will change” when the baby comes. For many new mothers, that phrase is something that becomes like nails on a chalk board through out pregnancy. I can’t tell you how many posts in my little pregnancy FB group I joined were rooted in the unsolicited words from strangers. For me, it was something that I sort of blew off and honestly didn’t take offense to because, well duh it was going to change. We were having a baby! We WANTED things to change. We WANTED life to be different. While it wasn’t lost on us that our new lives would be hard, I can also honestly tell you that we truly had no clue what was coming.
Becoming a parent, and in my case, a new mother, is not something any words, phrases, or unsolicited advice could prepare me for. It is truly the most life altering thing I have ever experienced. And man, those early days can really rock you. The labor experience, the emotions, the physical trauma, the hormonal changes, the sleepless nights, the fact that you now have a tiny blob of a human to keep alive.. it’s not something you can even comprehend until you experience it firsthand. And part of me is really glad its designed that way. Going in to something that is so primal and foreign at the same time is something that I couldn’t have prepped for. Although I tried. I couldn’t have googled or researched or understood enough, without doing it with my own child. None of the baby gear or books, had the right kind of manual on how to care for OUR baby in OUR home. Our experience was going to be our own. Our baby wouldn’t be like anyone elses. Because of that, anytime anyone asks me about what it was like to bring Cam home, all I can seem to say is that the blur of the first 6-8 weeks at home with our newborn felt like pure “survival mode.”
With that being said, I do think there were a few things that we did, without even knowing it, that helped us emerge out of the newborn phase stronger as parents and as a couple. Still lost and learning in so many ways, but nevertheless alive and healthy (can I get an Amen?).
- Had very few expectations of housework, eating “healthy”, following any kind of routine. On this front we had SO much support from family and friends. My parents, in-laws, and so many friends were incredible at being present when we needed an extra set of arms so we could shower or hell, brush our teeth, to cooking and delivering meals! I honestly don’t think we cooked or grocery shopped for the entire first month home.
- We communicated as much and as often as possible! We thought we had discussed and arrived on the “same page” on ALL of the new baby related things before Cam arrived (how to feed the baby, where the baby would sleep, how the baby would sleep.. etc.) but boy were we wrong. Again, no amount of reading could have prepared us for our newfound roles as parents and discussing what felt like HUGE decisions as they came up and making them together, and being open and honest with the emotions we were experiencing was paramount to our success through the emotional and sleepless weeks.
- We allowed help when it was offered. And denied visitors when we needed time to ourselves. Neither of us felt like we needed or wanted to take on our new roles alone. We valued our parents and friends advice and support more than ever. I know this is difficult for a lot of new parents, because advice can often feel overwhelming but I made it a point to open my mind to the experiences (triumphs and failures) of all the parents who had come before me! And use them to my advantage.
- We gave each other so much grace. This was entirely new for both parties. No one knew what to do and no one REALLY felt confident in what we were doing but the motivation and intentions all came from the same place. The heart. And just wanting to raise and protect a healthy baby.
- And last but not least. DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU. And what your mama or daddy gut tells you is whats best for your family. No book, guideline, other parent (or grandparent), friend, or article can tell you how to raise your child. You will be inundated with the “latest guidelines” and “how we used to do it..” advice, but when it’s all said and done, as long as you, baby, and your partner are happy, safe, and healthy.. Thats ALL. THAT. MATTERS.
Thats the beauty of being a parent. There are no rules. YOU make the rules. And realizing that, realizing that as long as what we were doing with our child helped him grow and kept him safe and loved, it was right. I had a sweet friend remind me on a particularly overwhelming night that I was handpicked to be Camden’s mom. I was quite literally MADE to be his mother. A job that no one else had been tasked or designed to do. That message was so empowering that I reminded myself of it whenever I felt the anxiety or doubt creep in, because boy did it (and still does). Being a new mother is tough. But it is also the most glorious thing I have ever had the privilege of experiencing. I would do it one thousand times over. XOXO – JT