Surviving: Pregnancy with a Toddler

Zach and I dated for 8 years before we got married, so naturally we talked about our future and hopes and dreams of a family.. a lot. We knew we wanted multiple children and hoped to be able to have them fairly close in age. My middle sister and I are 19 months apart and Zach and his sister at 3 years apart so we figured about 2 years age difference would be perfect. Little did we know what fate had in store for us.

If you’ve read my blog post about our infertility journey, then you know that it took a couple rounds of a medication called Clomid and an injection called Ovidrel to conceive our first child. So when he was around 14-15 months old, we decided it was time to probably start thinking about what it would take to conceive our second. We made an appointment with our reproductive endocrinologist to make plans for baby number 2 (also another blog post) and SURPRISE, found out we had gotten pregnant (naturally) a couple days later. To top it off, the baby’s due date was eerily close to Camden’s birthday! So there we had it, our 2 year (almost exactly) age difference without even really trying.

I’ve always dreamed of having multiple children and being pregnant with Camden was a dream come true. While working full time as an RN was difficult, I was able to veg and relax on my off days. So it was quite a shock emotionally when I discovered how hard it was to be pregnant with number 2. No one told me how difficult it would be to grow a child, work full time, AND chase a temperamental toddler around. Well I mean, they may have tried but I definitely didn’t hear it. The first trimester of pregnancy for me has proven to consist of constant, general malaise. No matter what I eat or don’t eat, I tend to always have an underlying feeling of nausea. No true sickness, but the nausea is there. The exhaustion is there. So add in a hefty little boy who wants nothing but his mamas attention? You can bet that there was a whole lot of screen/couch time and trips to the Chick-Fil-A play place where mama could sit on her booty on our agenda. Oh and did I mention that my immune system tends to pack it’s bags and hide away inside my uterus with my growing baby during my pregnancies? Yeah.. around 9 weeks of pregnancy, I developed a nasal abscess and won myself a I&D and 2 weeks of IV antibiotics to get rid of that mess. THAT was fun (see my blog post about weaning Cam from breastfeeding for more details on that one). This was also an emotional time for me. While this baby was prayed for for years before he was conceived, it was difficult to grasp that Camden would not be my “only” any longer. That this was real and it was happening. It brought on a lot of big feelings that I didn’t anticipate having to work through. So I did so with ALL the carbs and a few tears.

The second trimester brought on an increase in energy, but with that came the physical discomfort that I didn’t feel until much later on in pregnancy with Cam. Luckily, Cam sleeps in like his mama in the mornings so I was able to catch up on some rest on my off days from work with a few extra hours in the morning coupled with hot Epsom salt jacuzzi baths in the evening. My favorite is the Dr. Teal’s Eucalyptus blend. I found myself starting to feel really guilty for not being physically able to keep up with Cam like I had pre-pregnancy. His toddler tantrums were also starting to ramp up, which was new for us, so it was a difficult time to navigate. We spent a lot of time sitting and a lot of time watching TV but we were still able to make it to the neighborhood park 1-2 times a week and library story time when my work and the library schedule aligned. Which I know helped keep a sense of normalcy for him. The tantrums took us both some time to figure out. I learned that I needed to give him space to feel those big emotions and to do my best to remain the calm in the storm, which is hard when you’re hormonal and pregnant. I had to constantly remind myself that his behavior was not to punish ME and this it was him that needed my support. That HE was feeling out of control. I had to find a balance between talking to him and explaining boundaries and feelings and just offering my arms and my silence while he rode out the storm. I also ended up doing quite a bit of traveling during the second trimester. I had committed to going on a bachelorette trip to Scottsdale which was a blast and we also celebrated Zach’s 30th birthday in Mexico, which really helped my psyche and gave me a much needed “break” from mommin’ so that I could recharge and be as present as I could be for Cam.  

The third trimester was, of course, the hardest. The hormones begin to surge again, making for an emotionally exhausted mama and the physical toll that pregnancy takes on your body starts to peak. And in our case, the Covid-19 Worldwide Pandemic hit us all like a wrecking ball. So balancing working in an adult ICU, an independence seeking toddler, frequent doctors appointments (alone), and trying to keep us all safe from the unknown effects of a deadly virus was quite the feat. I tried to remind myself that we were all just in survival mode at this point, but it still ate at me when I just didn’t have the energy to be more physically present for him. Of course, he didn’t mind. Nor did he seem to skip a beat. He truly loved all the mama cuddles on the couch and I tried my best to incorporate activities that allowed me to sit (even if it was on the ground) next to him like painting and puzzles.

There was also a lot of prayer. Prayers for peace and safety. Prayers that the addition of Turner wouldn’t completely rock his world, but add to it. Prayers for growth and love and grace. So much grace. And carbs, all the carbs I could get in my belly. In the end, we survived it. And dare I say, came out the other side better for it all than we were before. We learned a lot about what we are capable of. Emotionally and physically. We grew together. We cried together. And now we have our sweet Turner boy, rocking both our worlds in the best way. XOXO – JT